Say That Again?
by Partners In Fanfic
Summary: Collection of random, funny, oneshots related to the team hearing things the way they shouldn't. Rated M to be safe.
1. Cellphones

___**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR ITS CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS GO TO CBS AND THE WRITERS/PRODUCERS.**_

_Dear readers,_

_EAJP here, writing for KWY. This is our first attempt at published fanfic, so I hope you like it. It will be a collection of funny oneshots we randomly thought of. KWY is unable to comment due to being distracted by a shiny object. ENJOY! _

---_EAJP_

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Chapter 1~Cell Phones

"Hey Rigsby!" Jane walked back into the bullpen with a cup of tea, milk put in first, in his hand.

"What Jane?" Rigsby looked up from his computer screen distractedly.

"Remember when I said that women were like accordions?"

"Yeah?" Rigsby gave Jane his full attention due to the topic.

"Meh…I've decided that they're also like cell phones."

"_Cell phones?"_ Rigsby looked at Jane skeptically. He knew that Jane had strange ideas, but this had to be one of the strangest.

"Well, yeah. They like to be held and talked to, but hit the wrong button and your disconnected." Jane smiled triumphantly at his comparison.

"Er, I guess so…" Rigsby looked noncommittal to the idea.

Van Pelt, who hadn't really been paying attention up until the part about cell phones, chimed in, "Speaking of cell phones, I once dated a guy in high school who sent me a picture of he and his new girlfriend in bed together after we broke up."

Rigsby and Jane stared at her in shock, both shaking their heads. Rigsby recovered enough to speak, "Really, what did you do with it?"

Van Pelt shrugged nonchalantly, oblivious to the looks from Jane and Rigsby she was receiving, "I sent them to his mother."

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_Hope you enjoyed the story! Reviews are welcome, just don't be too harsh!_


	2. Interrogations & Chickens

**Disclaimer: Me and EAJP do not own The Mentalist. It belongs to the people who just happen to be geniuses xDDD. **

**A/N: This is *KWY...EAJP is currently unavailabe to comment along with me cuz....well EAJP...went to bed. Yea...I know. Missing out on commenting just to go to bed... BUT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS INCLUDES that this chapter is one of those reasons why our little oneshots are labled with an M. **

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_Chapter 2~ Chicken_

Lisbon, Jane, Cho, and Rigsby were sitting in Daniel Brown's house, a suspect to their latest murder case. Jane was wandering around in his typical fashion, inspecting the items in his house.

"You didn't like the victim – is that correct, sir?" Lisbon was sitting on the sofa, taking notes on what Daniel was saying.

"Yeah, that's right." Daniel sat on the chair opposite the agents, an angry expression on his face.

"Records show that you also complained to police about some sort of small matter. What was that? I mean, he was a farmer…what could he have done?" Lisbon continued, raising her eyebrows slightly.

Daniel sat straight up and said angrily, "His cock woke me up at six a.m. every day! It was just too much for me! I have a night shift at a factory and I get home at five a.m.! One hour later, I'm woken up by his cock!"

Lisbon coughed at the statement and Rigsby made a strangled sound, trying not to laugh. Jane looked startled, but covered that up and patronized him. "I'm sure it was."

Cho chimed in with a deadpan expression, "Must have been a big one."

"Yeah, it was!" Daniel said in honest agreement.

Rigsby started coughing and stumbled out of the room as Lisbon, Jane, and even Cho tried to hide their smirks.

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	3. Isn't Life Hard?

_**DISCLAIMER- ONCE AGAIN, WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR ITS CHARACTERS. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO CBS AND THE LUCKY PRODUCERS/WRITERS WHO GET TO WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE.**_

_**A/N: **EAJP here. Hope you like the fic. It's short, I know, but it's quality, not quantity. Expect lots more updates! _*KWY herez...saying enjoy! If ONLY these things happened on the actual show itself....Hahaha, just wishful thinking...right?

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Chapter 3~ Life's Hard...

Lisbon sighed and filed away yet _another_ stack of paperwork. Jane, of course, had to pull an idiotic stunt to solve the case, so she, _of course_, was stuck doing all the paperwork.

She massaged her temples one more time and stood up from her desk to wander into the bullpen – hopefully to yell at Jane.

Jane glanced up from his usual position on the couch and smiled brightly, "Hi Lisbon!"

Lisbon sighed again, hands on her hips, "Ever since you came around, Jane, I've decided, life is hard." There was a pause before Jane broke the silence of the bullpen.

"Compared to what?" Jane asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Lisbon stared at him with a shocked expression on her face, but didn't say another word as she turned and stormed back to her office, her face slowly turning pink on the way .

Right as she was about to close the door, she could have sworn she heard Cho mutter, "That's what she said."

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	4. On Top

_**DISCLAIMER: WE STILL DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR ITS CHARACTERS. ALL RIGHTS GO TO CBS AND THE WRITERS/PRODUCERS**_

_EAJP here. Not much to comment about. Just read and enjoy! _

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Chapter 4~On Top

Cho was sitting at the table of a Ms. Patti Johnston, the downstairs neighbor of their latest murder victim. He was asking the woman a few questions regarding him. "What's your connection to the victim, ma'am?"

"Well, I was his downstairs neighbor, as you can see," Patti replied.

"Was there any sort of disagreement between the two of you?"

"Well, no…" Patti looked doubtful, like she was holding something back.

"No? Are you sure?" Cho saw her reaction and pressed on further.

"Well, honestly, I did complain to the police once." Patti began to fiddle with her hands.

"What did you complain about?"

"There were always noises coming from his apartment at night."

"I see, and you told this to the police?"

"Yes."

Cho shook his head slightly. "Here I have a file of complaints against the victim, and not one of them says that he was making too many noises at night."

"What are you talking about?" Patti looked indignant, "I told them word for word that I was a woman living in a downstairs flat and that the man on top of me every night was making too much noise!"

Cho bit back an uncharacteristic laugh and deadpanned, "Well, the way you word it could be why it's not here…Quite possibly..."

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	5. Satisfaction

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DISCLAIMER: THE MENTALIST STILL BELONGS TO CBS AND THE WRITERS/PRODUCERS. IF WE OWNED THEM, LISBON AND JANE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN TOGETHER ALREADY, BUT WE DON'T SO...

_EAJP here. Once again, sorry for the shortness. All the same, hope you find it funny. Enjoy!! _

This is *KWY speaking...I've noticed. Since I wake up later than EAJP, all EAJP's comments are FIRST, then mine.....maybe I should wake up earlier...that or stay up later...=.= HMMMM.

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**_Satisfaction_**

Lisbon, Rigsby, Van Pelt, and Jane were at the relative of a victim's house. Apparently, they were close, so they thought it would be best to start off with him. "She was such a great person – I can't believe she's gone." Mr. Davidson sat in his chair, staring off into space.

Just at that moment, the plumber came walking into the room, oblivious to the CBI's presence. "Excuse me, Mr. Davidson; I'm afraid I can't finish the bathroom today. I don't have the right tools. Sorry."

Mr. Davidson groaned. "Fine, whatever. Next time you guys come around though, bring a man with the right tools so my wife can be satisfied already!"

At this, Rigsby seemed to choke on nothing, earning a strange look from Van Pelt, who obviously didn't make the connection. Jane smirked and chuckled quietly, unable to fight his urge. Lisbon just sat and shook her head, mumbling something along the lines of, "Why me?"

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	6. Baseballs & Fences

_**DISCLAIMER: WE STILL DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST OR ITS CHARACTERS. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME IF WE DID THOUGH, BUT...WE DON'T.**_

_**A/N: **EAJP here. Hope you love reading these fics as much as I love writing these! Not much else to say...cept...there will be more chapters coming soon..as soon as KWY gives me more ideas._

_ I'm working on it EAJP! I'm working on it!!! You need to give me ideas too!!! _

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Chapter 7~Baseballs & Fences

"When was the last time you saw the boy?" Lisbon was sitting in the victim's neighbor's house, trying to gather information about the victim.

"Yesterday afternoon," the man replied.

"Was there anything strange about him at that time?" Lisbon pressed on.

"Well, no. He was doing what he always did when his parents weren't home."

"And what was that?" Lisbon arched her eyebrow in an inquisitive expression.

"Annoying me! I swear, that kid had a grudge against me or something!" The man banged his fist on the table for emphasis.

"How was he annoying you?" Lisbon looked up from her notepad briefly.

"By banging his balls against my fence!" The man seemed very outraged at this, but Lisbon had to bite her bottom lip to suppress a laugh.

Jane, who had been in the hallway before, stuck his head in the kitchen and grinned, "Well, he _was_ a healthy teenager…" He would have continued the thought, but Lisbon shot him a warning look, not so much because it was unprofessional, but because she would have laughed if he said anything else.

The man, although, ignored Jane and continued, "Uses the excuse of practicing for his next baseball game. That brat! Thought he was smarter than me!"

Lisbon let an unladylike snort slip through as Jane snuck out the door, laughing as soon as he got outside.

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	7. Going to Hell?

_**DISCLAIMER: THE MENTALIST AND ITS CHARACTERS STILL BELONG TO CBS AND THE WRITERS/PRODUCERS. NOTHING HAS CHANGED.**_

_**A/N: **EAJP here...again. This one would have been up sooner, but KWY insisted it was too short, so I had to use every ounce of my creative mind to lengthen it. Speaking of KWY, she is unable to comment due to the fact she had to eat lunch. So, read and enjoy!_

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**Two.**

"This has got to be one of the strangest arrests we've ever made," Van Pelt whispered to Jane, eyes wide. Lisbon was handcuffing a man impersonating a priest. Apparently, he liked to murder people for their sins in the confessional.

Jane laughed and flashed her a smile. "Yeah, and no one ever suspects the priest." In truth, Jane did from the beginning. Apparently, there was an air of suspicion about him.

"First, he murdered the priest that he was impersonating. Then, he went and killed all of his church-going enemies," Rigsby said, shaking his head sadly, "Amazing what the world is coming to, isn't it?"

"To be honest, I suspected him all along," Jane replied as he watched Lisbon read the man his rights.

"And you say you're not psychic," Van Pelt said.

"I'm not! There is no such thing as psychics!" Jane said indignantly. He would have gone on, but at the moment Lisbon passed the group, dragging the fake priest along with her.

"Go to hell," the man stated coldly as Lisbon was walking him to the side of the car.

"It's your God, your rules, your religion. _You_ go to hell, _Father_," Lisbon half sneered, half laughed as she shoved him into the back of the car. "Of all the people to arrest…"

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	8. Carpool

_**DISCLAIMER: WE. OWN. NOTHING. CBS. OWNS. EVERYTHING. MENTALIST.**_

_**A/N: **EAJP here. This little oneshot I came up with all by myself. Seriously, the idea randomly popped into my head. Anwayz, I apologize for the length of these things. I know I should make them longer...but...I can't. Oh well. Read and enjoy!_

_At KWY's request, we would like to thank all of our readers, but especially our reviewers. We love hearing from you!_

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**_Carpool -- Chapter 8_**

Lisbon was walking back to her office from a very relaxing lunch. They hadn't had a case in a few days, so all of her paperwork was finished. On top of all that, it was Friday, too. She was ready to go into the bullpen and suggest they go home early, when part of the four team members' conversation drifted to her ears.

"…Van Pelt, really, there's nothing bad about it. Cho and I do it all the time. Even Jane joins us sometimes!" Rigsby said, facing Van Pelt.

"Well, I don't know. It's just, I've never done it before," Van Pelt replied doubtfully. Lisbon's eyes widened at the possibility of what they're talking about.

"Aw, come on, Van Pelt!" Jane exclaimed, "I'm not _that_ noisy!"

"Yeah right," Cho muttered, "You can drown him out with music, though." Rigsby laughed and muttered his agreement.

"At least I'm not the one who moans and groans about the night going to quickly!" Jane threw back at them. Van Pelt laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Well, I guess I could try it, even though I know I'll probably regret it," Van Pelt said, "Tomorrow, right?"

She was met with a chorus of yeses from the guys, and Lisbon couldn't take it anymore - her curiosity got the best of her. She ran out from her hiding spot behind the doorway.

"What are you guys talking about?!" she exclaimed.

"Carpooling," Cho deadpanned, "What did you think we were talking about?"

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	9. Tea

_**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST, ITS CHARACTERS, OR ITS PLOT...SADLY.**_

_EAJP here. Sorry it took a little bit to update...been busy. KWY would like to say REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW...or else. Read and enjoy!_

_----This is how I think Rigsby should have made Jane's tea in Bloodshot. I know it's not good, but it's funny._

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**Tea **

It was a typical case day at the CBI headquarters. Lisbon had ran to Minelli's office to ask him a few questions regarding the suspects, Van Pelt was typing away dutifully at her computer going through bank records, and Jane blinded himself in an explosion – which put him in the hospital, and he promptly talked himself out.

That left Cho and Rigsby who were in the break room performing the most daunting task in the CBI – making Patrick Jane tea. Van Pelt didn't know this, so as she rounded the corner to show them what she found, she was in for quite a shock.

"It _should not_ be this hard!" Rigsby explained, moaning to himself.

"Shut up we're trying." Van Pelt could practically hear Cho glare at him.

Van Pelt's brow twisted together. Whatever conversation they were having, she didn't feel she had the right to intrude, so she just kept listening.

"You know, Lisbon does this all the time and she doesn't seem to have a problem," Rigsby grumbled.

"Yeah well, she's a woman. And she's Lisbon," Cho deadpanned.

"Pfft, I guess you're right. Her doing it is alright, but, I mean, we're guys."

Van Pelt blushed at her thoughts as her eyes widened. _I really shouldn't be letting my mind go there_, she thought, then shuddered.

"Jane should be here." Rigsby muttered.

"He's blind, he won't be much help."

Van Pelt didn't want to know what they were honestly talking about, but she couldn't walk away either. In the midst of her frantic contemplation, she heard Jane yell.

"Rigsby, Cho, where is my tea?!"

Van Pelt shook her head and blushed even more at her un-Grace-like thoughts as she turned on her heel and walked away, wondering just what the CBI was doing to her head.

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	10. Behind Closed Doors

**_DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST..THAT'S VERY SAD, BUT WE DO NOT._**

_EAJP here. This one was scripted by KWY and was inspired by something I saw on TV, well, heard. Yes, my mind is twisted, I know. Anywayz, this one was cool to write, so read and enjoy!_

KWY HEREZ!!! Finally an update...come though ppls!!! Everyone needs inspiration haha. EAJP has a perverted mind...hahaha.

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**Chapter 10 Behind Closed Doors**

On a slow day at in the CBI's Serious Crimes Unit, Jane would pester Lisbon, Rigsby would stare at Van Pelt's head, and Cho would escape during lunch to read a book out in the park. Today happened to be one of those days.

Cho was walking by Lisbon's office when he happened to pick up on the conversation she and Jane were having. "Wow, you're right. It _is_ firm!" she exclaimed.

"Told you," Jane replied. Cho could hear the pride in his voice. Thinking over what he heard, his eyes widened. _No, it couldn't be, can it?_

His thoughts were interrupted by Rigsby, who must have taken a break from staring at Van Pelt to go get some food. "Hey Cho, what are you doing?"

"You owe me five bucks," Cho deadpanned.

"What?! Why?!" Everyone knew Rigsby bet a lot, but he wasn't even sure what he had lost on this time.

Cho put a finger to his lips and motioned for the other agent to listen as Lisbon continued, "I never knew it could be so firm!"

Rigsby choked when he tried to hold back his gasp. "What _are_ they talking about?!" he whispered.

"What do you think?" Cho replied emotionlessly.

"But that..that..that's against the rules!"

"What are you? Mother Teresa? Saint Francis? Jane doesn't play by the rules and I bet Lisbon doesn't really _like_ to either."

"Yeah," Rigsby sighed, "But still!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Van Pelt walked over, folders dutifully tucked under her arm ready to give to Lisbon.

"Shh! Listen," Rigsby and Cho said simultaneously, motioning for her to be quiet.

Lisbon continued with her seemingly inappropriate conversation, "I always thought it was soft and gross, but I guess I was wrong."

"See, told you!" Jane exclaimed. The three agents heard what they thought was a soft moan emanating from Lisbon.

"Oh. My. God." Rigsby looked like he might die.

"We should _not_ be listening to this," Van Pelt scolded herself and the two men. She could feel a blush creep into her cheeks at the thought of what was going on behind the door.

"Why not?" Cho said, shrugging.

"You don't really think –" Van Pelt never got to finish her statement, because more of the conversation floated to their ears.

"This tofu is really good! I really should eat it more often!"

Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt paled and glanced at one another. Rigsby mouthed, "Tofu?!" Cho shook his head.

Just as the three were about to leave and forget they were ever standing there, Jane called out to them. "You know, Rigsby, this means that you don't owe Cho anymore."

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YEA! WHAT EAJP SAID...So like...tofu...I luved it...but now...I can't really look at it anymore the same (Thanks a lot EAJP). ~KWY

UNTIL NEXT TIME


	11. Stress Balls

_**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST, ITS CHARACTERS, OR ITS PLOT, NOR WILL WE EVER.**_

_EAJP here. Sorry for the shortness of this one. I actually thought of this while I was writing for my other fic, Gibbs' Rules. I just had to get it down. I'm not sure how I even think of these things. Not sure where KWY is...so...she can't comment.  
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_**KWY and I would like to thank all of you who reviewed for this story. All of the reviews made us smile!**  
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Stress Balls**_

"Cho, where's that report?" Lisbon walked out of her meeting with Minelli in a less-than-happy mood. She was clutching a stress ball and currently squeezing the poor piece of foam like it was the last thing on Earth.

"Right here, Lisbon." Cho stood up and handed it to her, then shook his head and sat down. Although he wasn't a psychic like Jane, he knew when Jane would press Lisbon's buttons, and now would be one of those times.

"Lisbon, you sure are upset today," Jane mused.

"Why wouldn't I be?! You and your antics got me in trouble – again!" She continued torturing the stress ball.

"I know, and for that I am sorry, but that doesn't mean you have to go and break that nice stress ball I got you." He smirked and lay down on the couch.

"Jane, as long as you're here, I'll be breaking balls all the time."

"Woah!" Rigsby exclaimed, then quickly shut his mouth and covered it.

Lisbon stopped and looked at him, then blushed bright red and stuttered, "That's not what it...oh man. JANE!" She threw the stress ball at his head and stormed into her office.

Cho shook his head and continued to read his book. Sometimes he wondered if he picked the right profession.

Van Pelt looked up, and in an un-Grace-like manner said, "You better watch yourself, Jane, Lisbon's in a ball-breaking mood and you're probably on the _top_ of her list."

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	12. Of Kisses and Baseball

_**DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST, SADLY, AND WE NEVER WILL.**_

***Contains JISBON as well as implied RIGSPELT and Lisbon is OOC***

_EAJP here. KWY and I couldn't resist writing a Jisbon fic. We just love them too much. Speaking of KWY...I'm not sure where she is, but I know she wants more reviews! READ AND ENJOY!_

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Of Kisses and Baseball**_

"How was your date with Jane?" Van Pelt asked from behind her desk. Lisbon had come into the office in an obviously happy mood. She and Jane had _finally_ admitted that they liked each other, which meant that every weekend, Jane was dragging her – and sometimes Van Pelt and Rigsby – all around California on dates.

"It was pretty nice; He took me out to a baseball game," Lisbon replied.

"Oh really? Who played?" Van Pelt couldn't help but ask. Being a coach's daughter, sports was one of her specialties.

"Yankees and the Angels."

"Well that was nice of him!" Van Pelt exclaimed, happy that Lisbon was talking about something personal for once.

"Yeah, front row too!" Lisbon was visibly giddy.

"You're kidding me?! Wow!"

"Yeah I know, it was romantic too. He would kiss me between the strikes."

"Aww, that's so sweet! What about you?"

"I would kiss him between the balls." Lisbon smiled proudly.

Van Pelt shook her head and tried not to snort. "Uhh…" She really couldn't think of anything else to say.

Lisbon gasped when she realized what she said, "Oh! I didn't mean… I meant… You know, a ball, like the baseball term!" She shook her head and covered it with her hands.

Just at the moment, Jane walked over. "So what are we talking about here ladies?"

Van Pelt took one look at his curious expression and busted out laughing, unable to control herself. Lisbon also looked up and laughed in spite of her murderous glare. Van Pelt got up and ran away, mumbling her apologies.

"What did I do?" Jane asked. He wasn't sure if he liked the fact that they were laughing at him – especially Lisbon.

"Oh, it's a _very_ long story," Lisbon replied, still shaking her head. "A long story indeed."

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	13. Nutcrackers

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT, NOR WILL I EVER, OWN THE MENTALIST OR ITS CHARACTERS.**_

_EAJP here. Woah, long time since I've updated, and for that I apologize. Innuendos just aren't coming to me easily. Anyway, this one was of sudden inspiration. Today my mom was doing some decorating and almost dropped one on my head. So, yeah. Not sure where KWY is, so she won't be commenting. Read and enjoy =D_

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Nutcrackers**_

December first. The three men in Serious Crimes Unit dreaded the day. One year they all tried to call off sick, but Lisbon and Van Pelt personally drove to Cho's and Rigsby's houses(Jane was staying with Rigsby that night) and ordered them to work.

Now, this particular day was not the day of performance reviews, big meetings with bosses, or some sort of social event. No, it was far worse than that for them – the day Lisbon and Van Pelt put up Christmas decorations.

Yes, Lisbon got into the Christmas spirit. It was a mystery that even Jane couldn't figure out. On December first, it seemed as if some sort of button was pressed inside her and she suddenly became this giddy woman obsessed with hanging tinsel, mistletoe, and various decorations.

And December first was here again. Rigsby, Jane, and Cho all stood hiding in the break room, hoping that the women frantically hanging up lights wouldn't notice them.

"I don't understand why they like that so much!" Jane exclaimed. At first, he enjoyed helping them decorate. Then, it got to be too much, even for him.

"Women. That's why they like doing it," Rigsby stated as he munched on a muffin.

"That's not an explanation," Cho stated flatly.

"Yes it is! All women have it programmed into their brains! My mother was like that too!" Rigsby replied.

"You're comparing Van Pelt to your mother? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like that," Jane said smartly.

"I didn't mean that!" Rigsby reached over and punched Jane on the arm.

"Yes you did. You said it," Cho deadpanned. Rigsby glared at him and returned to eating his food.

Jane could have sworn he saw Cho wince as he saw the two agents in the bullpen put tinsel on his desk.

"Tinsel. I hate tinsel. Hate it," Cho said to no one in particular. Jane smirked. His observations proved correct.

"Aw Cho, it's not that bad!" Jane exclaimed.

"Oh really," Cho replied. He was about to say something else to him(probably some sort of Asian curse) when Van Pelt walked in, a wooden decoration in hand.

"What's that?" Jane asked – even though he already knew.

"A nutcracker!" Van Pelt proclaimed proudly. "It's my favorite one, too."

"Nutcracker. Funny name," Cho deadpanned, a serious expression on his face.

Rigsby choked on a laugh he tried desperately to conceal. Jane, who never could control his urges, outright laughed. Even Cho, the functionally stoic one, had to crack a smile.

"What?! What's so funny?!" Van Pelt asked, genuinely confused.

Rigsby waved her off as did Jane. Cho had to turn around because he couldn't look at the decoration anymore.

Van Pelt scowled at them and turned on her heel, stalking out the door. After she was safely out of earshot, Jane mused, "I believe that's what she said."

The three men's laughter could be heard in the whole building. December first wasn't so bad after all.

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	14. You Talking About What We Think You Are?

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST. ALL RIGHTS TO THE CREATIVE GENIUSES THAT WROTE THE SCRIPT._**

_EAJP here. I'm not sure where KWY is, but she thought of this one last night and I had to get it typed up for you. These fics are always fun to write, so I'm glad you all are enjoying them...erm, I **hope** you're enjoying them. Lol. Anyway, without further ado, HAPPY READING!!!!_

**Ah, PS. This fic can probably be called implied JISBON, but Jane/Lisbon friendship works too. Whatever floats your boat =D**

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It was a typical Monday for the CBI's Serious Crimes Unit. Cho, Van Pelt, and Rigsby were typing away at their computers and wondering where Jane and Lisbon were. It was dangerously approaching 9 AM, and usually both of them were in well before then.

"That was great last night, Lisbon," Jane said as he and Lisbon entered the bullpen. Cho paused, glancing at Van Pelt, who was staring straight at her computer screen. Rigsby choked on the muffin he was currently scarfing down.

"I know! I never knew you could do all that!" Lisbon replied, not noticing the other agents' looks.

Jane shrugged, also seemingly unaware. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Don't worry though. You'll have plenty of time to discover new things." Jane winked. He paused and then glanced at the ceiling as if remembering something. "Oh! Could someone bring me a cup of tea? Thanks."

He and Lisbon disappeared into her office without another word. Rigsby hurriedly began cleaning up the mess he made of the muffin. "Uh….wow…I..." he stuttered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Go make it, Rigsby. You're going to have to get up and throw those half digested muffin crumbs away anyway," Cho deadpanned without looking at him. Van Pelt glanced at Rigsby sympathetically.

"No! I did it last time! You do it, Cho!" Rigsby shot back.

"I'd advise you to remember the fortune cookies," Cho replied smoothly. Rigsby gulped at the thought of what Cho could do. If he could even get Jane shaken up with one of those cookies of death, surely he could torture him with them too.

"Van Pelt, can you do it?" Rigby hoped she would. Usually she liked doing things like that.

"Uh, no sorry. I have to…big file for Boss." Van Pelt began typing at her computer rapidly. No one liked making tea for Jane.

Rigsby reluctantly stood up and went to the kitchen muttering, "Is it milk in first?... Second?... Last?... I'm screwed."

After Rigsby perfected the tea to the best of his ability, he quickly took it to Lisbon's office. He was about to knock at the door when he caught part of the conversation, "Geez, Lisbon."

"It wasn't even that hard, Jane." Lisbon sighed.

"Yes, it was!"

"No, it wasn't!"

"Fine, if it wasn't that hard," Rigsby could hear the smirk in Jane's voice, "Then we'll have to try again."

Rigsby's eyes widened and he almost dropped the cup of hot liquid.

"Gladly! And it will be harder to please me this time!" Lisbon laughed at her own words.

"Alright then! Not now though, I'm still sore from last night."

"Told you it would be intense," Lisbon joked.

"Yeah, who knew you were such a good dancer?" Jane laughed.

Rigsby's eyes almost popped out of his head. Dancing. He almost had a heart attack.

"Yeah, well, you're a fast--" Lisbon was cut off by Rigsby running into her office.

"Here! Here's your damn tea!" Rigsby stuttered, blushing. He practically threw the tea down onto Jane before turning on his heel and running back out.

Jane smirked as Lisbon tried to process what just happened. Finally, she understood why he was so flustered and began to blush.

Right as Rigsby sat down at his desk, Lisbon yelled to him, "I could fire you for thoughts like that!"

Jane chimed in, "Yeah! And you didn't dunk the teabag in exactly three times!"

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**Yay! You read the fic! You know what comes next...REVIEWS! **

**Have an idea for a fic? Lemme know =D Love hearing your suggestions ^.^  
**


	15. Massages After Lunch

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST.**_

_EAJP here. Hah! Updated again tonite. Record for me, lol. Anyway..._

**Credit of this fic goes to McGreys-Fan. She wrote it (in English class tehehe) and I found it extremely funny. I tweaked it a little bit, but meh. Thank you McGreys-Fan!**

* * *

Agent Kimball Cho was having a normal day at work. His team had closed a couple of cases, and it was almost lunch time, so he decided to leave early to go to one of his favorite restaurants.

He came back 15 minutes early after enjoying a nice lunch. He thought he was the only one at the bullpen, but then he heard some footsteps approaching. One was a heavier set, and the second were soft. They stopped, just before reaching the door. One of the two people standing there spoke:

"Oh my God, Wayne! That was amazing!" Was that Van Pelt? And exactly what had been so amazing?  
"I didn't know you were so good with your hands" She continued. Ok, so this was starting to get interesting.  
"Thanks. When you have big hands like me, they are actually quite useful." Wayne replied.  
"Seriously, I feel much better now." Grace informed him.

Cho was starting to feel uncomfortable as he started to imagine what they had been doing. "Don't go there, man. Not possible," he said to himself. But, was it really not possible?

"How long has it been since you've had one?" Wayne asked.  
"I don't know. Maybe a year? Who knows? I'd totally forgotten how good you feel afterwards." She replied.  
"Well that's way too long. Next time, whenever you need one, just let me know."  
"Ok. Thanks again Wayne." Cho could hear Wayne and Grace smiling.

A moment afterwards they both entered the bullpen, to find a really confused Cho.  
"What have you two been doing?" He asked coldly.  
"I gave her a massage Cho" Wayne answered quickly.  
"Where?" He asked. "_Just to be sure_," he thought.  
"On my shoulders! God, what did you think we were…" Grace realized what he meant and her eyes widened in shock, but Wayne answered before she could.  
"Come on man; don't be stupid, we don't…" He trailed off, blushing, and both he and Grace went to sit down.

_Well that was embarrassing_, Cho thought.

He went back to work, but felt Wayne lean over and whisper softly to him "Not at work, at least." He went back to his desk with a smirk on his face.  
Cho thought, "_Too much information, man. __**Way**__ too much information."_

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**You've read it! Now review it!**


	16. Patience is a Virtue

**_DISCLAIMER: I DID NOT, DO NOT, NOR WILL I EVER OWN THE MENTALIST._**

_EAJP here. Here's a little Thanksgiving inspired ficlet. KWY is off celebrating something, so she won't be commenting on this one, but I know she has some ideas that she'll be posting. _

**On behalf of KWY, she and I would like to wish all of you readers and reviewers a very very happy Thanksgiving!**

**

* * *

Patience is a Virtue**

It was the day before Thanksgiving at CBI Headquarters, so all the units were coming together to have a pre-Thanksgiving feast. The Internet Crimes Unit brought in turkey, the Serious Crimes Unit was in charge of dessert, and the rest of the units brought in the side dishes.

After everything was set up, the agents (and consultant) were having a good time. Jane was talking with everyone that would look at him, Lisbon was socializing with the women from other units, Rigsby and Cho were happily eating, and Van Pelt was busying herself in the kitchen.

"Cho!" Jane exclaimed in between bites of turkey.

"Hi, Jane," Cho replied.

"Isn't this so nice?" Jane was glowing.

"Yeah it is. Nice music," Cho replied. There was Christmas music playing softly in the background.

"Yeah, too bad they don't have Thanksgiving music," Jane laughed.

"Where's Rigsby?" Jane continued the conversation.

"He was here a minute ago. I think he went to fill his plate." Even Cho cracked a smile at it. The big agent hadn't stopped eating since they put the food on the buffet tables.

Right as Jane was about to respond, a woman's voice boomed throughout the room, "Dessert's on the table!"

Cho and Jane smiled at each other at the prospect of food and walked over to where Lisbon was leaning against the wall waiting for the line to go down. "You see Rigsby?" Jane asked her.

"Yeah, he's trying to cut in line by kissing up to Van Pelt," she replied, gesturing in front of her.

Sure enough, the three agents saw the top of Rigsby's head in the crowd. "I wonder what he's saying," Jane mused and started walking closer.

Lisbon and Cho shrugged and followed them until they were in earshot.

"But Van Pelt!" Rigsby exclaimed.

"Rigsby! Patience is a virtue! Just wait your turn and you'll get some!" Van Pelt admonished.

Cho and Jane laughed, but Lisbon spoke, "I think that's what she said."

Cho, Jane, and some of the agents around her stared at the usually-conservative senior agent before bursting into laughter.

Just after everyone stopped laughing, Rigsby walked over with a plate of pie. "Did you get some?" Cho asked somewhat suggestively, yet deadpan.

"Yeah! I did!" Rigsby replied happily, causing everyone to go into even louder fits of laughter.

"What?!" Rigsby asked.

"Oh, nothing," Jane said, "I think this is going to be a very interesting Thanksgiving indeed."

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**You know the drill...REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	17. Caught Staring

**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST._**

_EAJP here. Wow! I haven't updated in almost two months!! For that, I apologize. I've had a serious case of writer's block, and I've started a few new fics that demanded my attention, but nonetheless, inspiration has returned (at least for now)! Once again, I'm sorry for my unexpected hiatus. I promise I'll try to update more often. I'm sorry if this story is a little off...I know it' not my best... but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, so it may take a few chapters to get back into gear. Read and enjoy!  
_

**

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Caught Staring**

Jane, Cho, and Rigsby entered the bar together, glad to have the case over. Of course, it took Jane and a few of his antics to solve it, but it was solved nonetheless. "Where's Lisbon and Van Pelt?" Rigsby asked.

"Obviously not here," Cho deadpanned, which earned a laugh out of Jane.

"They'll be here soon, Rigsby. Don't worry, Van Pelt will be wearing a dress," Jane pointed out.

"I don't care what she's wearing!" Rigsby fired back somewhat defensively.

"Right," Cho said with a roll of his eyes. The gentlemen took a seat toward the back of the bar at a table with enough chairs to seat the women too.

Jane surveyed his surroundings. It was an upbeat bar – kind of classy. All the women were wearing cocktail dresses, so undoubtedly Lisbon and Van Pelt would be too. He chuckled quietly to himself. Rigsby would be in for a real treat.

They ordered beers and waited for the other two to come by making small talk. "So Jane, how'd you know it was the wife?" Rigsby asked.

"Meh, she was too willing to flirt with me," Jane replied, shrugging nonchalantly.

"If you haven't noticed, Jane, _all_ women flirt with you," Rigsby said after taking a sip of his beer.

"Well, that and she was way too melodramatic. Seriously, I think I've seen better fake crying on those cheap daytime soap operas."

"You're insane, Jane," Cho said.

"Hey, that rhymed!" Jane replied.

"Like I said – insane." Cho shook his head and sipped his drink.

The men fell into a comfortable silence as they waited for Lisbon and Van Pelt to show up.

"So Jane, what's in the bag?" Cho asked. Jane had carried a small white bag into the bar, but never mentioned what was in it. "If you say bomb, Jane, so help me God," he added as an afterthought.

"It's not a bomb," Jane replied, "Although that might be a nice idea…."

Rigsby, who was originally listening to the conversation watched as the door opened and Lisbon and Van Pelt entered.

His boss, he didn't care so much about. She looked nice in her green dress, but he became transfixed when he saw Van Pelt.

They didn't make their way over to the table right away on account of the fact they saw someone they knew from work, so Rigsby had time to stare.

She was turned at an angle where he could see her perfectly. He could see the way her red hair was accented by her tight red dress, which hugged each of her curves perfectly, at least to him.

His eyes traveled almost hungrily from her toes up her legs to her chest, where his eyes stayed.

"Jane, I think they're a little big," Cho said.

"So, that's the style now and these days," Jane replied, "Let's ask Rigsby."

"Alright. Rigsby, are these big to you?" Cho asked.

"Yeah, they're perfect," he replied, still in a daze – and still staring at Van Pelt's chest.

"See Cho, told you. Any man would love them. Right Rigsby?"

"Yeah…any man." Rigsby really wasn't on the same page as them.

"Rigsby, you're not even looking at them," Jane said. He followed Rigsby's stare and landed on Van Pelt. "Rigsby!" he exclaimed.

"What?!" Rigsby jumped off his chair.

"Do you even know what we were talking about?" Jane asked, smirking.

"Ye-yeah," Rigsby stuttered.

"No you don't," Jane quipped.

"Fine, I don't. What were you talking about?"

"The sunglasses I bought Cho!" Jane exclaimed, holding them up. Rigsby merely nodded his head and took a long drink of his beer.

Cho raised his eyebrow. "Jane, what did he think we were talking about?"

"Van Pelt's chest," Jane replied simply.

"What?!" Van Pelt exclaimed. Apparently, she and Lisbon had decided to end their conversation and finally come over.

"Oh nothing. Just a little confusion," Jane replied smiling happily. "Please, take a seat." He stood up and pulled the ladies' chairs out for them - acting as if he never said anything.

Rigsby blushed crimson. Taking another sip of his beer, he wondered how he was ever going to survive the night.

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**Alright, did you like it, love it, hate it? Let me know. I love hearing from each of you.**


	18. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**THIS IS AN AUTHOR'S NOTE!**

**Hello my readers!**

**Normally I don't write these author's notes. Quite frankly I find them somewhat deceiving. BUT, I need to get this message out. I know that KWY and I haven't really been updating this (alright, let's be truthful, not at all), but KWY is busy with school and I've been busy with school and other fanfics. **

**So, to get to my point here, we won't be updating until inspiration strikes again. I don't know when that will be, but I hope it will be soon. Anyhow, I apologize, but feel free to read the other Mentalist fics we have!**

**Yours in fanfic,**

**EAJP and KWY**


	19. Off the Floor

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST.**_

_EAJP here. Well, INSPIRATION HAS STRUCK ME!!!!! temporarily, of course. Here's another chapter for you. I plan to get another one out some time soon, maybe even tonight. We'll see. Read and enjoy!!!**  
**_

* * *

It was a quiet day in the CBI's Serious Crimes Unit, all things considering. They hadn't had a case all week, which was the reason Van Pelt and Rigsby were currently sitting on the floor, cold case files spread out all around them. Cho was sitting calmly at his desk reading his book, barely moving a muscle. Jane was lying on his couch, faking sleep. Every once in awhile he would get up to sit in front of Cho to see if he could make him flinch – unsuccessfully of course. Lisbon was in her office on a conference call and doing paperwork, so not even Jane disturbed her.

"Find anything in the cold case files?" Jane asked to no one in particular.

"No," Van Pelt and Rigsby replied simultaneously. Jane glanced at them just in time to catch an embarrassed look between the two of them.

"That was cool," Jane said, "Are you two always that in sync?"

"No," they replied once again together. Jane raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more. He suspected they were dating, and he knew Cho knew if they were or not, but he wanted to figure it out for himself.

Sparing the two on the floor, Jane called out to Cho, "Hey Cho! What are you doing?"

Cho glanced up at Jane and blinked a few times, which was his way of saying, "What the hell do you think I'm doing?"

"Ok, got it," Jane replied, nodding and then closing his eyes again.

"Rigsby, what about this case?" Van Pelt asked, holding up a file.

Rigsby glanced up and shuddered. "Why do we even have _that_ case?" he asked in disgust. Van Pelt shook her head and tossed it to the side.

Van Pelt stretched out her legs and rolled her neck. "Rigsby, this floor is murder on my back. Can we move this to somewhere more comfortable?"

Rigsby was about to reply when Cho spoke up seemingly out of nowhere, "That _is_ what she said."

Jane sat bolt upright on his couch and let out a long laugh – even Cho chuckled at his joke. _Both _Rigsby and Van Pelt blushed crimson at the comment.

Jane took notice of that and stopped laughing. "Why are you blushing Rigsby? Bringing back some inappropriate memories?"

Rigsby whipped his head around to look at Jane. "No! Jane, shut up!" Van Pelt tried to hide her face in her hair.

"Ok, ok!" Jane said, smirking. He got his answer.

"That was a good one, Cho," Lisbon said, entering the bullpen. All four heads shot to her and she walked to the middle of the room. Rigsby blushed crimson again, praying that she wasn't as observant as Jane. She smirked and picked up a random file folder. And they thought she was on a conference call. Truthfully, she heard the whole thing.

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**Alright, you read it...NOW REVIEW IT!!!! Please? I know it's not the greatest, but I still love the feedback.**


	20. Missed Again

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS**_

_**RATING DISCLAIMER: THIS IS, AT LEAST TO ME, ONE OF THOSE RATED M CHAPTERS FOR TALK OF THE HORIZONTAL TANGO (;D)**_

_EAJP here. Well, it's been awhile since I updated, but inspiration struck me, in light of the episode Blood in Blood Out, to write a Jane/Cho humor story, seeing how they worked well together. I also figured it should be about Van Pelt and Rigsby, also because of recent episodes. Anyway, read and enjoy!_

_PS: I don't know when I'll be updating again, but hopefully inspiration will strike soon.  
_

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"When do you think they started having sex?" Cho asked Jane bluntly. They were walking back to headquarters after lunch. Jane had proclaimed he was hungry, and surprisingly Cho agreed to go along.

It wasn't often Jane and Cho had 'guy time' like this where they weren't working a case. Sure, there was the occasional trip to the bar every now and again, but that wasn't often. Cho was usually either reading or spending time with Rigsby, and Jane was usually off pestering Lisbon. That doesn't leave much time for the two of them to talk, not that either of them minded.

Jane liked Cho though. He was a good companion, and followed Jane's lead on things. He's blunt and direct – two qualities that Jane can't say he minds. He might not be easy to read, but he's just as observant as Jane is, making conversation easy between the two of them.

Jane looked at Cho and smiled broadly. He wasn't at all surprised or put off by Cho's bluntness on the matter. They had started off talking about sports, but before they knew it, they were talking about the poster couple for breaking the rules at the CBI. "Well, if I _had_ to venture a guess, I'd say a month and a half ago."

Cho looked at Jane and blinked, "Why?"

"Because that was when Rigsby told _you_, and Rigsby, as kind of a heart as he is, is a man. And men talk about sex."

Cho shook his head. "Then they must have waited so long to tell Lisbon because of Van Pelt. She wouldn't want anything to interfere with her career."

"True, but she also wants to do the right thing, which is why she broke down and told." Cho nodded his agreement.

By this time, they were approaching the elevator to take them to their floor in the building. When they stepped onto it, Cho broke the silence. "I just hope they haven't screwed on my desk. I saw the two of them stay late a few nights ago, and they looked ready to jump each other."

Jane laughed hysterically. "Why would they do it on your desk?"

"Because it's the neatest," Cho answered, letting a small smile slip.

"That still doesn't mean they used your desk."

"Fine then, maybe they did it on your couch," Cho replied stoically. Jane's smile faded.

"They better not have. I'll make them buy me a new couch."

"Oh yeah?" Cho asked, smiling this time, "What are you going to do? Say, 'I know you two were using my couch in ways it wasn't meant to be used. I demand you buy me a new one?'"

Jane thought about it, "Yeah, exactly." Cho shook his head.

They stepped off the elevator and headed to the bullpen. As soon as they were within earshot, they heard Van Pelt and Rigsby talking.

"Damn! I missed the hole again!" Rigsby cursed. Cho and Jane looked at each other oddly.

They rounded the corner and entered the room to hear Van Pelt reply, "Don't worry, you'll hit the spot next time."

"I really hope you're talking about golf," Jane quipped, announces Cho's and his presence.

Van Pelt's and Rigsby's heads shot up. Both of them turned red in the face. "We-we-we were!" Rigsby stammered.

Cho smirked and Jane laughed as they headed to their respective spots. Jane went to go lie down on his couch, but Cho said, "Remember what I said before."

Jane looked at the couch and frowned, then looked up to Cho. "Yeah? What about your desk then? It could have happened twice."

Cho glared at him. Both men took one look at Van Pelt and Rigsby, then headed off, Cho to the break room, Jane to Lisbon's office.

"What was that about?" Van Pelt asked.

"I don't know, but I have a feeling it's about us." Rigsby frowned. Those two separately were hard to handle. Together, their jokes were lethal.

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**Alright, review it now to tell me what you think!**

**Reviews to me are like magic tricks to Jane!**

**Suggestions? I know you have some. Write 'em in the reviews or PM me, and I'll happily give you some credit.  
**


	21. Board Games

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST.**_

_EAJP here. Well, inspiration struck KWY and I! She actually wrote a script for this, and I wrote the story It feels good to be back in action! Woot woot! Read and enjoy!_

**Hey ppls, sorry about all the non updating...most of you've probably moved on.....COME BACK!~ Sorry about the hiatus...I've been working and I just either didn't have the inspiration to come up with a script or no energy left in my brain to think~KWY**

* * *

Jane walked into the bullpen one morning. Well, he had already been there, but decided to go outside for a little walk to get some fresh air. As he figured, everyone was already in their places and tapping away at their computers.

He spotted Van Pelt and decided to talk to her for lack of something better to do.

"Morning everyone!" he announced, walking over to Van Pelt. Everyone glanced up, except Lisbon, who was in her office.

"Van Pelt, how did you enjoy last night?"

Rigsby's head shot up immediately at the implications, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Oh, last night was wonderful," she replied, "How was it for you? Was I good enough? I know that type of thing is your specialty," Van Pelt replied somewhat shyly, somewhat happily.

Rigsby almost choked on his coffee. Stopping himself from making a mess, he looked at Cho. "Lisbon's going to be jealous," Cho muttered almost silently, but loud enough for Rigsby to hear.

"Oh, of course! You were good Van Pelt. In fact, so good, I thought we could get together...and do it again." Jane smiled kindly. Jane knew what Rigsby and Cho were thinking, but Van Pelt didn't realize it.

"...Well...I guess...I mean, we have no cases----" Finally Van Pelt realized the implications of her words.

"CASE!" Lisbon ran into the room, red in the face. Jane glanced up and successfully hid a smirk. Lisbon seemed to have been listening into the conversation too.

Cho snickered and Rigsby glared at Jane. "Really, well, let's hear it then! What case seems to have you so flustered, my dear?"

"C-case? Did I say case? I meant casing – for my phone! I lost it," Lisbon stuttered.

Van Pelt's eyes widened as she saw her chance to escape. "Here boss, I'll help you look for it!" The two women exit, with Lisbon still looking flustered.

Rigsby, Cho, and Jane glanced at each other – Rigsby continued to glare, actually.

"So…Jane…" Rigsby began.

"What were you doing with Van Pelt?" Cho deadpanned, smirking a little.

"Hmm…don't you want to know?" Jane replied, grinning.

Rigsby's glare hardened. "What were you doing?" It took all his willpower to not strangle Jane then and there.

Jane grinned again. "Oh relax, we were just having a little fun!" Jane stood up, stretched, and headed to the door.

Rigsby almost stood up, but thought better of it – this was Jane after all. "Oh yeah? Like what?" He was still glaring, undoubtedly trying to burn a hole in something.

Jane stopped in the doorway. "We were just playing a little game of Monopoly…and Scrabble, cards, and various other board games. Game night…Gotta love it!" With a grin only Jane could muster, he was out the door.

Cho and Rigsby glanced at each other. Cho said, no trace of humor in his voice, "Just do her already so you won't kill Jane."

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**Alright, let us know what you think! Jane can't live without Lisbon, and we can't live without reviews!**


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